I was thinner, I would be happy. I could find true love, have a better job….
I had a better job, then I could move to a better place, where I could find true love, have a better life, have the car I want, be able to join a gym, eat better, so I could be thinner…
I was prettier….I was more successful…I was funnier…Happier…
The ‘If Only’ is long and convincing, isn’t it?
We believe we have to have certain things in place before we can be happy, before we can reach our goals…before we can have the things we want for our lives.
Why is that? Why do we think we have to obtain certain things like a magical weight or a job title before we can have the happiness we deserve?
By hinging our happiness on ‘If Only,’ we are pushing our happiness out into the future, where it is just out of reach.
‘If Only’ is a bitter cycle we all get stuck in sometimes. It can make us miserable, too, because we feel like we will never be able to reach our goals or have the things we want in life.
I have struggled with ‘If Only’ my whole life, so I am quite familiar with how crippling it can be. I have always felt like I didn’t deserve to be happy until I weighed a certain number (or could wear a certain size jeans) or until I had a certain job — you know, one where you wanted to tell everyone what you did and where you worked so they would be impressed.
And, if I am truthful, there’s times I still have to beat the ‘If Only’ cycle down. It is something that takes persistence and proactive engagement to overcome.
So how do you break this cycle?
Instead of saying, ‘If Only,’ we say, ‘Right Now’ — shift your focus from the unforeseen future, to the present. Be in the MOMENT.
‘Right Now’ — I am thinner than I was a year ago.
‘Right Now’ — I am taking steps towards my goals to have the life I want.
‘Right Now’ — I have a job, I am healthy, I have friends…
Instead of focusing on intangibles that push your happiness away, reflect on things that you do have. They don’t have to be perfect — there is no such thing as perfect, anyway! — they just have to things that you can appreciate in the moment.
I am a huge believer in the Law of Gratitude, which states that the more we focus on the things we are grateful for, the more we will have to be thankful for…kind of ironic that it’s a cycle, too, isn’t it? 😉
There have been times I have been frustrated and focused on the ‘If Only s’ ….when I started to focus on the things I had to be thankful for in those situations ‘Right Now,’ I started to see a shift.
It can be hard; believe me, I know. Especially when you try to do it alone.
With a life coach, we can look at what your goals are, where you are now, and how you can get there. And. how be present in each step in between so you can enjoy every moment.
Reach out to me at firstname.lastname@example.org today and let’s get started.