Years ago, I craved and yearned to have a spiritually-based practice of some kind. One where I could help people, where I could teach and share the things I hold as truth, and maybe, maybe, maybe, I could make a little bit of money at it. Not much, mind you, because I know that money is not everything and money is not what drives my spiritual business. I talked with my tribe sisters about how this was a dream — I wanted to break free of being at some job where I had to do things that may not have been inherently wrong, they didn’t sit well with my inner being. One tribe sister said she wanted to break free of the corporate world and be able to be barefoot and on her yoga mat all day. We craved this freedom, this embracing of all things spiritual the way a fat kid craves cake.
“What is stopping you?” my tribe sister asked, oh so many years ago.
Well, I felt like I had to have proper training. I had to acquire more knowledge. Even though I feel like I was born with a lot of intuitive gifts (we all are), I felt like I was not ‘bonafide’ until I had some credentials behind my name. So I did all that good stuff. I got the certifications. I spent the time and money to make sure I had a solid foundation in these things. I still have a sort of an imposter syndrome because even though there are areas that I have studied and used for years and years, I don’t feel qualified to teach it (like Tarot). Before, I just did this for friends and never tried to do it professionally; nor did I claim to be an expert either. Hell, even now I don’t consider myself one; I know I still am learning/growing/expanding.
But I did all those things and finally, a few years ago, started my own practice.
Yay! I will help people! I will love life and live my passion!
That’s the bullshit that ran through my mind. Maybe it was a bit of ego. I was thinking of how great things will be and how happy I would be. In honesty, I did think I would help people, too, but I think somehow I failed at that as well.
And over the few years I have actually done this professionally, I have seen some crap that I would never have expected to experience in a spiritual based practice. Someone called it the shadow side of spirituality. I get that all things have a duality and there has to be balance but there’s more to it than that.
It has been enough that over the last few months I have grown increasingly tired of it and want to quit. Here’s my reasons why:
- The market is flooded. Seriously. Every one seems to have a spiritual based practice. I have seen all kinds of people stating they are intuitive life coaches, healers, etc. when they have no training or experience. Or, they take one course that is to help them grasp the principles of something and BAM, they are suddenly experts. Everyone and I mean everyone is trying to stake their claim in the spiritual practice territory.
This was even more evident the other evening when I was chatting with someone in another group. The woman said she had a new Tarot deck and was launching a new reading. Well, I am one of those people who loves to get a reading from someone else because usually, it is challenging to read for myself. I get too close to the situation and don’t ‘see’ what I need to for myself. So she and I private messaged for a while and she sent me her link to her site. Wow. We could have been spiritual twins. Reiki master, intuitive coach, Tarot reader… And her site was amazing, too. I realized maybe I am not playing big and maybe I am not wanting to. I don’t have the money to throw at a site because to me, that means you have to do even more to make sure you show up in search engines, you have to have a way to generate leads, you have to have a landing page, a giveaway/free resources, etc. A lot of other stuff that I have not had the time to do…because even though I have tried to be a spiritual practitioner, I have had to hustle like hell on the side to try to pay the bills. That was just one example though, there are tons others that indicate EVERYONE is a spiritual practitioner.
- And, not only is everyone a spiritual practitioner, but the ones who are gaining traction are the ones who are operating out of ego. The ones who don’t care if they are communicating with Spirit but are talking out of ego and their ass. The ones who just have to share a message they have been “told” from Spirit because they are “special.” It is those kinds of spiritual practitioners that give those who do take this seriously and to heart a bad name. While I do believe we all have spiritual gifts, it’s much like any other gift or talent; if not properly nurtured, it will not be near what it needs to be. And when dealing with things on the spiritual plane, it can do more harm than good.
But, some people do not care. So-called spiritual practitioners do not care if they do more harm than good…and some people do not care as long as they are being told something that supports their bias. Often, you will find these people in the same cluster — they do not want people in it that will tell them they are wrong. It is dangerous. These people are wanting to be ‘right’ in their readings, wanting to have that praise, and letting ego run wild.
- Which brings me to number three….I thought the people that I would encounter in spiritual practices would be trying to cast out ego and wanting to enlighten, evolve, uplift. But there is just as much pettiness and back-stabbing bullshit in the spiritual community as there is in other places. People who think because they follow a certain path they are better than others; people who ridicule others when they ask a question. People who have an air of superiority that they have no place having.
Again — this is all ego driven but it stinks. I was naive in thinking that everyone would be all running through the woods and casting circles, pulling cards and being spiritually happy and sage-y all day. Nope. You encounter bitchy witches, ego driven healers, and others who are probably asses in their regular day, they just stick a spiritual label on it in other venues. Much like the Christians with the fish symbol on their business card who will screw you harder than a Drimmel, there is a shady side of spiritually focused businesses I can do without.
Not only are their spiritual practitioners who are shady as hell, there are people approach under the guise of seeking services who are as well. People who use spiritual based groups to further their agenda. People who take advantage of the kindness of some of the people in groups or practitioners by coming up with sob stories. They are predators and they know who to take their pity party to because those people will try to help them. I crave real, authentic interactions with people that have no agenda and I have found very, very few (but those that I have had…I have cherished).
I’ve seen it all in a relatively short time of trying to have a professional spiritual practice…and it is enough to make me want to step back and leave this all behind. Maybe part of my journey was to come full circle; to realize that it all begins within and maintain my own lane and focus just on my own journey and no one else’s.